Punchwood's Ultimate Escape
by sklauda1
Summary: Pablo Punchwood has escaped all the prisons in the world except one. And they finally have him.
1. Chapter 1

He said they would never catch him, but once again Pablo Punchwood found himself on a bus headed to another maximum security prison. Steelshaft Penitentiary had just been built for lifers who had escaped all the other "inescapable" prisons throughout the world. Punchwood passed the time on the bus reading a copy of the generic greeting letter the warden has sent along with the officers picking him up.

_To [new inmate],_

They did not bother changing the default to Punchwood...

_You have succeeded in escaping prisons in the past. Let me inform you that every guard here is married to their jobs and this prison is their child. Anyone found breaking their child will be put in solitary confinement for a week._

_Sincerely,_

_Paolo Seraos III_

The bus stopped before a tall brick wall. Beyond it was a barbwire fence which Punchwood assumed to be electrified. Beyond that, a four story steel building with no windows shined in the early morning sun. All the guards knew he was coming and they were prepared for anything as he stepped off the bus and entered the gates wearing his usual smug smile. Eleven inmates stood in four rows of three with one missing on the left side. The guards delivering Punchwood pushed him into the open spot and removed his cuffs. Officer Tidus, who was in charge of roll call, stared Punchwood dead in the face and then socked him in gut. Punchwood fell to his knees and held his stomach.

"Shine my shoes while you're down there." Officer Tidus growled as he looked down at the bruised inmate. "And listen good. You _will_ be spending the rest of your days here. Might as well get cozy in our lovely facility. There's no free time, shakedowns happen three times a day, and you can't take three steps without going through a metal detector." Punchwood was struggling to stand. Every time he put a foot flat on the ground, the pain in his stomach caused him to fall over. Tidus smiled. "Punchwood and the rest of you in Unit A will get the shakedown this morning." Half of the inmates groaned. Tidus knelt down over Punchwood and spat in his hair. "We finally got room for you," he giggled. "Old Timer was pardoned. The devil came and got him."

The inmates and guards headed to the mess hall for breakfast, leaving Punchwood laying on the concrete floor.


	2. Chapter 2

Punchwood awoke on a bed in the infirmary. The prison medic was in the next room over mumbling to himself. "I wonder if I could take out a man's esophagus and replace it with PVC pipe?" Punchwood shook out of his head the thoughts that came to mind upon hearing those words. He went out into the hallway to join general population.

After coming down the hall to get his bearings of the prison, a hard fist hit his face and sent him to the ground. Standing over him was a young man on the shorter side. Piercing blue eyes peered out from a gray flat cap. "Top o' da mornin' to ya laddy," the man shouted.

"Hey, what did I do to deserve that?" Punchwood groaned as he stood up. The name tag on the man's uniform said 'Jack'.

"Nothin'" Jack replied, giving him another fist to the jaw. "I just don' like ya, ya bastard!" There were no guards around to help him. His only choice was to run. He darted down the hallway toward the infirmary and took a hard right. Either Jack had lost him or did not care to chase after him.

When the buzzer sounded for lunch, Punchwood carefully made his way to the cafeteria. Jack and his crew were already sitting at their table, munching on food. Punchwood grabbed a tray. They had two choices for lunch, a corn dog or a krabby patty. Youngbuck, another inmate with golden locks and an effeminate complexion, made them as his job in prison. He could hear the other inmates talking about the food behind him. Some of them complained about having to force it down, others wanted seconds and three desserts. Punchwood grabbed a corn dog and sat at the other table. A decently built inmate named Mark introduced himself. "Hey new guy. Did Jack get you?"

Punchwood snickered. "Yeah, I'll get him back."

"Be careful." said Mark in between bites of his krabby patty. "Jack's super strong. Not very smart though. He spends his free time at the gym. I spend mine at the library, browsing the internet. You can learn how to craft makeshift tools. The prison filter doesn't catch it. We get time at the gym every day so that's when I work out. You have to be balanced to survive in here."

"Thanks for the info."

"No prob-" An inmate with black hair and a goatee pulled Mark onto the floor, knocking off his glasses. Mark easily got the upper hand and began to pummel him. Two guards quickly broke them up, beating them senseless. The buzzer sounded and everyone filed out of the cafeteria except Mark and the aggressive inmate. Punchwood waited for all of the guards to leave before checking the inmate's pockets. His name tag read Billygoat and in his pockets were talcum powder and soap. Punchwood simply removed Billygoat's clothes and put them on the ground next to him as a prank. He did the same to Mark before heading to the closet to get a mop.

The janitor job was the lowest of the low. It was the hardest to do and paid peanuts. Punchwood had trouble finding any spills to clean up. Other inmates were cooking meals, delivering mail, making clothes, and stamping license plates. Punchwood saw Jack delivering the mail. He had access to everyone's desks inside their cells and the guards were not yelling at him. That was the job Punchwood knew he had to have. Another sounds of the buzzer and it was time to hit the gym. On his way there, he spotted Warden Paolo Seraos III walking the halls. He stood upright with his hands behind his back and strutted like a rooster in his coop of hens. Punchwood caught up to him and walked beside him. "Hey Paolo, you remember me? Punchwood? Yeah you know me. We're pals! Anyway, you know I didn't do this, right? It was the spy chickens." The warden ignored him and strolled out the prison door where Punchwood could not go. A guard yelled at him to get to the gym.


End file.
